That 70s Show: A 30,000 Foot High
by The Nevada Line
Summary: What do you do when you are Hyde, Jackie, Donna, Fezz, or Kelso and you're on a boring 8 hour flight?


That 70s Show: A 30,000 Foot High

SETTING: Airport gate.

CHARACTERS PRESENT:

Hyde

Jackie

Fezz

Donna

Kelso

INTERCOME VOICE

Now boarding Flight 207

HYDE

Well, in a little while, well be 30, 000 feet in the air. Bye-bye Wisconsin.

DONNA

Yeah, Our flights gonna be 8 hours long.

JACKIE

What is there to do for 8 hours?

INTERCOME VOICE

Facilities will be readily available upon boarding.

(KELSO and FEZZ look at each other suspiciously. Cut to small, smoky room)

FEZZ

Yeah

(Theme Song)

SETTING: Airplane bathroom.

CHARACTERS PRESENT:

Hyde

Jackie

Fezz

Donna

Kelso

Dog

HYDE

So. Were finally on our way the Aloha State pineapple country sun, serf, and weed. Heh heh.

JACKIE

The shoppings gonna be amazing! If I can get my hands on one, Im gonna buy a shirtless native to follow me around with one of those leafy, fan-thingies.

FEZZ

I have a confession to make the nateeves of Hawaii scares me And so do tiny airplane bafrooms.

JACKIE

God, Fezz. The Hawaiian boys are only trying to make a little money.

HYDE

Yeah, arent you, like, one of them anyways?

JACKIE

Hes Mexican, Steven, not Hawaiian.

FEZZ

Yeah, jus pecause I yam foreign does not mean Im Hawaiian, you stupid son of a...

JACKIE

Fezz!

FEZZ

Sorry, Yackie. My emotions got da best of me yagain. In my country, we dont carry awound spears and paint our faces wid da blood of our enomies.

DONNA

The Hawaiians dont do that, Fezz.

FEZZ

D'en who does?

JACKIE

Michael! Where did you get that food?

FEZZ

Is dat a drumstick? (reaches)

DONNA

Watch your hands, Fezz.

KELSO

(Swats hand) Yeah, get your own, Fezz. I got it from the front of the plane. They were just giving it away.

DONNA

You got it from first class?

FEZZ

Gimme da drumstick, you pretty-haired slave boy!

JACKIE

Give it to him, Michael. Its fattening anyways, and we dont need to have that talk again.

HYDE

You cant just take that from first class, man. Its hot stuff, now- the cops will be all over it ah, who am I kiddin? Man, give me some.

KELSO

(Long pan) Hey! Hands off, man. I lifted this fair and square. Id like to see you and your big glasses take it from me.

DONNA

Shut up, Kelso. (Takes role)

FEZZ

I miss Ewic. He would ave givon me a lousy drumstick.

DONNA

Erics just being a good boyfriend. He knew how much I wanted to go to Hawaii so he stayed to march at the feminist rally for me.

FEZZ

Yeah right. (laughing) Hes da one who tol me abou da scary nateeves.

DONNA

No, Erics really excited about the rally though, being scared of the natives does sound like him. Huh.

KELSO

I think feminisms pretty cool. A bunch of hot, angry girls running around

JACKIES VOICE

Michael!

KELSO

What? You know, Jackie, I think youd be a great feminisimian. (Mock excited) In fact, maybe you should stop wearing a bra right now!

DONNA

For one thing, its feminist, not femiwhatever, you moron. And we dont only burn our bras; we fight for womens equality in society.

FEZZ

Power to da girls. (laughs)

JACKIE

Well, I think feminism is stupid. Not only do we have the usual amount of ugly people running around, but now all the pretty ones have stopped wearing make-up! They all look like theyre starting a lumberjack revolution and Donnas their leader!

FEZZ

Ah burn!

DONNA

For the last time, Jackie, Im not a lumberjack so stop calling me that. And, hey whos side are you on anyways, Fezz?

FEZZ

Dont make me shoose.

JACKIE

Believe me, Michael. You do not want to see me without this face.

HYDE

I just have one question for you, Kelso whered you get the dog?

Pan to dog

KELSO

Oh, he followed me here from the front of the plane. He started barking when he got to the room, but I gave him some turkey and he shut up.

FEZZ

You give da dog food and not yo pall? (mad-grabs for turkey) Mine! (Eats furiously)

DONNA

God, he probably smelled all the smoke and went crazy.

KELSO

Believe me! I can hardly smell _anything_ right now.

DONNA

Not you, the dog! Dogs can smell things, you know.

FEZZ

I can smell tings and Im not a dog.

DONNA

I never said that.

FEZZ

(Continues eating)

JACKIE

(Inhales from shock) Do you think hes one of those hounds, like on tv, that sniff out drugs to catch criminals?

HYDE

Nice goin, Kelso. Now therere two reasons for the cops to be chasin you: contraband _and _a stolen drug dog.

Pan to dog

KELSO

Hey, its not my fault Im so enticing to follow.

DONNA

Kelso, you were carrying a pile of food _and_ you smelled like a reefer youve thrusted this upon yourself.

FEZZ

Ha ha. _Thrusted_. (Hurried knock on door) Ah! Da fuzz!

JACKIE

Quick, hide!

HYDES VOICE

What?

FEZZ

Hey, Yackie, deres some room to hide in my pants.

JACKIE

Eew, Fezz. Dont be gross you think theres some room in there for the dog, though?

HYDE

Hold on, guys. Lets just look at the situation. Just play it cool. Observe (To door) Well be right out! (To group, mouths with two thumbs up) _Were good!_

ORIGINAL SCRIPT WRITEN BY The Nevada Line


End file.
